Run, Baby, Run...: Musings of a Mortal on the Elephants Race to Heaven
“In corrupted governments,
the place is given for the sake of the man;
In good ones,
the man is chosen for the sake of the place”
- Lord Halifax, late
What will make a man, apparently sane and in control of all his faculties, take two hundred and fifty million ‘unGhanaian’ cedis (¢250,000,000.00) and with a smile on his face, promptly flush it down the toilet? Pause, reflect, and ask again?
What will make reasonable men, turned elephants, spend loads of time, energy, money, goods, and more money on an event, fully cognizant that it will bear no apparent fruit? To the mortal mind like yours and mine, this is tomfoolery bordering on buffoonery straddling insanity. That is to the mortal mind. If you thought so, you are in good company. But please do think again!!! To the racing elephants, things are not as fuzzy as your mind makes it appear to be.
It is a race to heaven! At the last count, I believe there were 19 elephants in the race. Let us hazard a list of these elephants, not necessarily in order of proximity to heaven: Ocquaye, Nana Addo, Yaw Sarfo, Kennedy, Apraku, Jake, Hackman, Agyepong the Elder, Agyepong the Younger, Alan the Cash, Dan the Botwe, Agyarko. Who else? OK, let me count how many elephants I have so far. 12! Who is missing? Yes, my man from Tokyo…the elephant who entered the race at the last turn and says he has more energy than all the rest…Adjei-Barwuah! Oh, Captain, forgive me. I nearly forgot you. Yes, there is the tuobodom General himself, the captain whose nkrabea is the palace! But some elephants are still missing! I confess that I cannot readily get all the names but I promise to drop them in as soon as any pops into my head in the course of this piece.
Lets ask again, what will make all these men, leave their juicy…aah, another name just dropped. This exercise is recommended for everyone interested in heavenly races. Just take a piece of paper, give yourself five minutes and try to write down all the names of the elephants in the race. Don’t cheat. I am ready to wager. You will miss out on a few like am doing right now. K4 the Younger! With Christina sweeping the vote in a landslide, albeit faraway, I bet your campaign has got itself a very welcome boost. Yes, the President’s brother who wants to be king. That’s elephant #15 and counting! What will make these elephants leave their plump ministerial and other jobs (don’t believe anything they say about the government jobs being thankless and sacrificial) and go in search of the Holy Grail? I will try and psychoanalyze from a mortal’s perspective, some of the arguments and motivations for running the race to heaven. No one has sent me. I have sent myself on this mission possible!!! But another name just dropped again. It would have been hari kiri if I had forgotten what with the hounds out for reasons to hate an elephant. It’s the near –man who wants to be king. H.E. Aliu Mahama, Veep, Republic of Ghana 2001-2009. That doesn’t look and sound elegant enough so we better stake for the ultimate: H.E. Aliu Mahama, President of the Republic of Ghana, 2009-2013; President of the United States of West Africa 2013-2015. I hope you appreciate by now the difficulty in getting all the names at a go. I only remembered because I write my pieces over a period when I can make time for it and since I begun days ago, there’s been brouhaha about the Veep and the Elephant Gamekeepers. It’s only then that his name dropped. I therefore decided to solicit the help of my manager so we can get all the names down once and for all. I sat her down and called them out, one by one. My manager popped out Dr. Afro himself. Prof. Kwabena Frimpong-Boateng!!! So what will make a very high achieving, world renowned cardiologist and head of Ogyakrom’s best teaching hospital drop his executive position and wade into the muddy political waters in which these elephants are running the race to heaven? Lets do the elephant roll call again: Yaw Sarfo, Nana, Kennedy (not American), Apraku, Jake, Ocquaye, Hackman, Agyepong the Younger, Agyepong the Elder, Alan Cash, Kwaku Botwe, Boakye Agyarko, Agyei-Barwuah, Nkrabea (has he filed), K4 the Younger, Aliu, Dr. Afro. Phew! My count reveals 17 names. I still can’t place who am missing because I know there are 19 pretenders to the throne of the Elephant. I give up!!! Readers may help me out!
So I pose the question for the last time. What will make all these fine elephants of positive change chase the Golden Fleece to the Palace of Dreams? These represent my hallucinations about the motivations behind the race:
Motivations
a. Divine Apportionment
This can apply to all. Now is the season where the pastors who no longer fear or ‘shy’ Yeshua Amashua, will pick and choose which of the elephants has a marginal propensity to drop cash for prophetic unction. I have heard on radio that the prophecies have begun already. Yeshua Amashua has revealed to me alone, that you, Ogyakrom Osagyefo has been ordained by the Almighty to rule. I saw God put a red seal on your forehead, plant a red, gold, green, black-starred flag in your right hand and cause a bright light to envelope your head. Then I saw 2008 on a poster with your picture on it. Then I saw 18 elephants all roll down and bow before you. You are king indeed! Some of the elephants will believe these African movies and dole out some cash. After all, Yeshua has so many embassies in Ogaykrom, each manned by ambassadors many of whom have not presented their credentials to anyone. Until that day when the trumpet sounds in that auditorium, what shall it profit you to antagonize any of these ambassadors when you know that one of the fastest-easiest ways to access the hearts and minds of the mortals is to go through Yeshua’s ambassadors? Truth be told, none of the elephants can annex this claim to divine calling as the Lord of the Palace 2008. How can Yeshua Amashua confuse us all by anointing 19 elephants to occupy a single palace?
b. Heaven is a Palace; or vice-versa
If you did not know, now you know. The Presidency is sweeter than anything on this earth. Add the White House, No 10 Downing Street and the Elysee, in terms of raw, pure, real ‘enjoyment’, none compares! If you were in the shoes of these elephants, you will also make a run for the Palace. If you enter the palace, your tears are over, PERIOD!!! There shall be no want for you, your wife, your concubines, your small girls, your children, your relatives, their friends and relatives and … Of course Ogyakrom has a constitution, separation of powers, judicial independence etc. If you are as smart as these elephants, you will reign as a monarch, i.e. a presidential king!!! We mortals have been primed to accept that, especially if you don’t rock the boat too much and allow a 'live and let live’ environment. Back in those days in Legon, there was a DJ in town we loved to hate. I believe he was called KKD. He used to say: “KKD is here, happiness is near”. I say, “the race is here, heaven is near”. All the King’s men are deeply motivated and salivating at the prospect of heaven on earth. That prospect should make a man do what an elephant will do in the same circumstances…make a run for it!!! Even Yeshua did not have the privilege of tasting heaven on earth!!!
c. Love for Ghana
This motivation must by definition apply to all of them simply because you are disqualified otherwise. How can you want to go to heaven when you don’t love Ghana more than 19,999,999 other citizens? All these elephants will therefore harp ad nauseam about their inordinate love for mother Ghana. Greater love hath no man than this, that he will lay down a fortune in resources to chase what for many of them, is essentially a mirage. But I go ahead of myself. I am told on authority that in Osagyefo’s days, when our big men met to think Ghana, you could bet your bottom dollar that about 90% of the resources ended up where they had earmarked it. In Ogyakrom of today, that may not be the case. Believe it if you may but none of the King’s men has an upper hand in this love business. All of us love Ghana. In fact I love Ghana so much that I have done a few things in the name of love for Ama Ghana for which the lashes are still raining down. All the elephants love Ghana. But it’s a moot point and should not be flagged too much or you’d risk a knock like K4 the Younger has been getting for daring to ask that someone shine a torch on the King’s men. He had completely forgotten that some of the elephants are virtually running naked and the only conducive environment is a bit of darkness. All of them are patriotic. All of us are patriotic. Patriotism won’t fly much!!!
d. The K4 Factor
Have you heard the one that says that K4 himself is the reason all these elephants have escaped the herd and are running ahead of the pack to the Palace? They say he has made the seat so desirable that all of them want to… Don’t blame them much. For some of these elephants who knew the Big Elephant in toto before coronation, they cannot help but feel that this race must be run at all costs. In fact, some may feel that if they knew that the journey will be this sweet, they would have jumped in the last time round and tried harder. Admittedly, His Excellency, K4 the Elder has made the throne very ‘palatably deliciously appetizing! K4 is the quintessential epitome of ‘ehia wo anwu’. He is also a concrete example of a man who never says die until the bones are rotten. If he didn’t have the guts, he would not be where he is. Imagine if he’d lost 2000. His life would have been caput. Chief may probably be paying pensions to him by now. Some of the elephants who fawn over him wouldn’t be that close. It was a do or die back then. Indeed, his situation then looked exactly like some of the elephants in the race today. But then see Yeshua Amashua’s Mighty Hand at work. At 63 thereabouts, Yeshua changes his destiny FOREVER. From left to right, PERIOD!!! Globe-trotting! All things at your beck and call! I mean ALL things!!! Old age recedes! Money flows waa, waa, waa!!! Diaspora family regroups at home in Ogyakrom to recoup! God is good, all the time!!! So some elephants look at K4 and feel, if Yeshua did it for him, He will do it for me too. If the Big Elephant made it from beyond zero, then I can make it from 4. But is it that simple? The factors that have made K4 and his era so juicy may not necessarily be the same for his successor. Some of the elephants have also tasted the crumbs and their chains have fallen. If crumbs can feel this good, what about the full meal? The K4 attraction may be contributing to the huge field but though it may motivate, it may have taken H.E. K4 the Elder loads more than just showing up and putting on the kente to take the Oath of Office. There must be something about the man that has made his office look so appetizing. The magnetism of the office has increased and that contributes to all elephants trying their luck.
e. Sunshine
If you want to have your bit of sunshine before it gets cloudy, step up now. Just declare that you are standing as a candidate. You don’t even have to be an elephant as they may have priced you out of the market and your neighbours will leak information that you are not serious. You may fly the cockerel, climb a coconut or even walk the tip of an umbrella. You are guaranteed front page coverage in the newspapers. You will get radio and TV interviews. Best of all, your face, warts and all, will be plastered around the country. A website guarantees visibility around the world. The real ambassadors (not yeshua’s) will get to know you. Some doors will have to open. You and your children may secure visas when it would have been otherwise. Doors open for aspirants. Ask them! During the race, for a few dollars more, you’d get a presidential feel. Bodyguards, bodygirls, cars, drivers, lackeys, drummers, chiefs, yeshua ambassadors, fetish priests, all hailing! Even state protocol may begin to invite you to state functions. Ask Grandpa. Check the grin on his face at a national function when the cameras come close. You can buy big man status in these hereabouts. This race guarantees all the king’s men that status, at least within the elephant herd. Remember some guy who declared, only to be declared nuts? At least he got to keep that morning’s edition of Daily Graphic for the next generation.
f. Insurance Policy
Are you still wondering why all the king’s men are still going for it? Well, the post K4 era bodes loads of uncertainty for some of these elephants. You can’t be too sure where your bread will be buttered in the next world. If you hang on quietly with K4 till his last day, you may be signaling your own desire to retire. In order to secure a small assurance about your post K4 scenarios, you ought to bring your constituency to the table. Most of these men seem to have no chance whatsoever. However, if the race could guarantee a place at the table on d-day, they could be at the table when chow time arrives in the new heaven. The present public nature of the race means that some of the elephants are only running to show their clout in the party. That may be the price of a ticket to an invitation-only meal in the post K4 heaven. They are just paying the premium for the insurance policy.
g. Old Men Cant Jump
I admit. I am young, brash and sometimes abrasive. I am restless about old men who just can’t make law work in Ogyakrom. I have not been able to understand why an old big man who has made his money and his fame already and is waiting to meet his maker cannot stand up for truth and principle. ‘Old men can’t jump’ goes to the younger breed of the elephants in the race. Some have been around the older bigger elephants and know (but they’d never admit it in public) that some elephants we fawn over are near basket cases. Some policy that may have killed the elephant at the polls never saw the light of day because some young elephant stampeded it out. In the quiet of some lovely bosom, he can’t help but wonder, is this it? The job must be easy and within reach then, abii? If these old elephants, whether under the influence or not, at close quarters don’t have the juice but still manage to run Gh. Inc. so well, then why not me? I wish all the young elephants in the race good luck. Please don’t listen to the venerable J.H. when he says it’s not a beauty contest. IT’S A BEAUTY CONTEST FOR ALL OF YOU. If you watch the Ms. Ghana show, you will be pardoned for thinking that it’s only the winner who won. She may be the one to get the TV, car, tickets, furniture and cash on TV but the losers are all winners too. A wily cash man comes to the event interested only in positions 4-7. If you are a visionary, you will know that sometimes number 4 gets more than Ms. Ghana herself. Car, house, TV, stereo, furniture and yeshua granting, wedding bells!!! You have nothing to lose by taking part in the beauty contest.
h. Na Money
For mortals like me, ¢250 million unGhanaian cedis or thanks to the trillion-shaving technology, GH¢25,000, is a princely sum. But that payment is a one-off cost. Now consider other expenditure on the race to heaven. Fuel, cars, bikes, TVs, T-shirts, drinks, goats and sheep x 230 constituencies x number of days on the road. Why will any man decide to make that spend with a smile? This race is not a win-lose situation for majority of the elephants. Assuming you manage to get a lot of money into your campaign kitty, you must by definition run. You have to run even if your own mama says you should not. This is a beautiful marathon where none of the racers will be tested for steroids. No one will ask you where, who, what, whom, which or when you got your money. There shall be no audit or accountability to anyone. The real job is to make sure the money has come in, whichever way. Then enter the race. When you lose, who would come to you to show your profit and loss account? So mortals go to sleep wondering about elephants and how they are only big but sometimes act in a manner not discernible to them. The racing elephants go to sleep knowing the race makes loads of sense. This is not a loss –making venture at all and will assure attractive returns on investments. Yeshua willing, even the ultimate may drop on your lap. You are investing in the most lucrative business south of the Sahara. Politics is the most rewarding venture at the moment, especially when you are in the governing party. On behalf of Uncle Mac-Manu, I thank you all for your generosity, especially those of you who know, even in your sleep that the ¢250 million is a gift to the party!
Osimi’s Quick Guide to the Elephant Racers
I have to apologise again. I have done a re-count of the names and I missed the gentleman lawyer of Esikado, Paa Owusu-Ankomah. I only remembered because since I begun drafting this piece bit by bit, I have been in Tadi and that’s when I realized his name had escaped me. However, I still can’t shake the feeling that despite all my efforts someone is missing.
Here’s my quick guide to the race to heaven. It’s my personal view and I will take on anyone who takes me on for expressing them. They are mine and mine alone and don’t even represent the opinions of the only people I can speak for without taking instructions, my manager and the two musketeers. The names appear randomly. Let’s start with H.E. Aliu:
Aliu
Even if he didn’t stand, he would have to stand. 8 years as an apprentice, nice image. Redemptive figure for the elephant. Yes, NPP has always been perceived as an Akan (graciously) or Asante (ungraciously) party. It’s a perception that won’t go away despite that the party’s antecedents show some of the Veep’s ilk in the thick of affairs. Here comes a golden chance to kill that perception for a century and two years. Will they take it? Aliu. Capable! Able! Mainstream! Moslem! Trained! I knew the man was serious when I saw his poster. He is the only elephant in batakari and kente on the same poster! But the Veep rides against the establishment. There are forces that’d be very jittery if he wins. The other elephants won’t admit it but they keep an eye on him. The Veep can win. He will give some people a good run for their money. His fate, like all the other elephants, will be decided when the trumpet sounds on that day. As a black man born in Africa, my mortal mind perfectly understand why he’s in the race. If not now, when? Mortals can understand!!!
Nana o, Nana
Suave! Been there, done that! Rumbled in the jungle and lived to fight another day! Strong personality! Very high profile figure! Known in Ghana and abroad! Top gun! Unfortunately lives in an environment where self-assurance is taken as cockiness or arrogance. Ghana needs a self-assured man as leader. Even a self-assured cockerel will suffice but self-assured he has to be. He makes the establishment-elephants and some say, K4 himself jittery. Why? I don’t know! Cannot possibly be due to the rumble in the jungle with K4. He has always been his own man but his track record has also shown that he is a team player. I have however been unable to visualize a K4 overhang on a Nana govt. That may be making some people in the inner chamber uneasy. He seems to be strong on the ground. I haven’t been able though to appreciate all those billboards all over the city and him holding his jaw, what with the wahala over the dentures and all. Mortals can understand!!!
Dan Kwaku Botwe
Kwaku Botwe seems to represent the purity of the elephant pre-adolescence. Is he the hope of the masses to get a ‘roots’ man into the palace? Admittedly has grassroots support but will only impact if the selection process is above board so that ‘rootsy’ folk can travel to the City for the bronya selection. Whether he can assure or ensure his grassroots men get appointed, selected or elected as delegates in this river of cash is another issue. Kwaku Botwe will represent a revolutionary choice against a perception of money bags warping and adulterating the minds of otherwise decent folk to do as money bids. Increasingly looks like an Nkrumah amongst UGCC bigwigs. The December beauty contest will be a battle for the soul of the party. Only discerning people may vote for him. The Botwe seems to represent the purity and virginity of the elephant. Whether the Virgins Club upsets the Old Whores is another matter. Has loads of street credibility but street credibility wins the main election but doesn’t guarantee you the party nomination. Perception is that he has insulated himself from the influences of Establishment and may not be a favourite of the Castle goons. Tremendous goodwill from the people is a credit balance in the account but unsure whether that will help clear the ultimate hurdle. May have been fired by H.E. K4 the Elder because he would not 'yessa' enough. Very bright hope for Ogyakrom whichever way you look at him. Will be back for another dance even if he gets stampeded by the other elephants. There is a hunger for clean government and he assures. Mortals can understand!!!
Alan Kyeremanteng
Poster boy of the campaign. Overheard two women in Tadi last weekend who had paused at an Alan poster: “papa yi nso no ho ye fewo ae”. I cannot remember how he came to be tagged as the moneybag of the race but that must be quite an achievement, granted that all elephants are spending like mad on this ‘brake-free/steroid-fuelled’ race to heaven. Good personality! Articulate! Must work harder to shake perception of being the Castle man. If delegates perceive the race as a battle for the soul of the party, he may lose out. At the moment, very visible campaign. Promises galore. Well oiled campaign which turns out people at every stop for their share. Few hiccups with the steering committee notwithstanding, he’s in a race of his life. Dodgy record on achievements. Even if doesn’t win, will live to fight another day. Just leave some of the cash for another day. And oh, beware of the 'Ntim kukrudu' as in earthquake. Everyone who wants to slap the president but cant even dream about it will use you as a convenient counterfoil. Slap Alan, slap K4!!! Mortals can understand!!!
Yaw Sarfo
Oyeadieyie! Oseeadeyo! Roots man! Some scary posters but can live with that because achievements overshadow everything else. Huge stature and an achiever. Proven himself in capacities held in the elephant govt. Also took fair share of the Rawlings lashes back then. Has paid dues to the party. Behind his back, the old whores complain doesn’t allow the juice to trickle down. Slight murmurings about the Macmillan saga but nothing has stuck so far. In the early days of the race, seemed to have bigger profile but appears to have lost juice lately. May be a strategy as the volume may be directed at the delegates and not the public. May also not be the choice of the establishment because he cannot be pushed around easily. Very shrewd character. May be deemed by the jittery bunch as a little too independent to be crowned “the Protector of the Spoils” in the new heaven. Its unclear whether can assure protection for the jittery bunch in the event of a hoopla post k4. Write him off at your peril because he is a roots man and can be adopted easily by mortals. At least his run makes Oda very interesting for 2008. Yaw Sarfo is my MP. The folks back home aren’t as complimentary as the early days but guess he is not bothered much as he’s playing for bigger stakes now. Yaw Sarfo can be President! Mortals can understand!!!
Hackman
An achiever. Major bulwark of the party. Has paid more than his dues. Also took fair share of the Jerry lashes. Lots of credibility with the masses. An acknowledged party bigwig. Accomplished enough for the job. Must be in the race or standing diminishes. Unable to place a finger on his chances. If he wins, no one must panic because he is capable. Hope he does not blow too much money on the race, though. Mortals appreciate his run!!!
Jake
Done his part for the party. His race a little puzzling, though but he is a strategist so all other elephants beware of Otanka. You write him off at your peril. Strong party man who managed two successful campaigns and efficiently. A fair chance in the race but seems to be a waste of money, time, money, space, petrol, t-shirts and more money. Smart Alec and may have his own reasons for joining the beauty contest. If he could, why not Jake? Mortals puzzled!!!
Frimpong-Boateng
Mortals scratching heads why he is in the race. Does not seem to have any apparent chance of winning but who told you he was in it to win? Seems to be enjoying the race, though. May be good for his heart. So serious that put his face round buses and vans. Give him a chance. After all, he has had his hair trimmed and looking presidential. Mortals definitely cannot understand why he is in the race to heaven!!!
Agyepong the Elder
Originally perceived as the joker in the pack, thrown in by the big man to test the waters for the establishment. Speaks very well from an assured position of no-contest. One of the saner heads in the race. I don’t know what he has done but his own constituents may have uncomplimentary things to say about his tenure as their watchman in Accra. His run may help ease x'mas woes for some party faithful but has always appeared very crafty and wise and doesn’t look like wasting his ‘acquired-immunity’ on a lost cause. Can be President but his era is gone with the wind. Adviser material for post k4 heaven. Mortals cannot understand!!!
Agyepong the Younger
For some of the reasons adduced earlier, can appreciate why he is racing. Only that he will never tell us the true reasons he is there. Been around the big guns who may have been firing gunpowder all along. If he felt completely overwhelmed by this big post, would he dare? Agyepong the Younger knows that the job aren’t scary and that he can do it. He has nothing to lose and may actually be enjoying himself. Will live to fight again another day, ‘whether weather’. This race is not a financial loss-maker for him o. An establishment turn-off but a straight talker. The kind we need as a people but may never have until they have been bitten by the bug and have forgotten their first love. Hope for years to come. Mortals puzzled!!!
Boakye Agyarko/Arthur Kennedy
Sorry guys, had to lump you together because you represent the same values for me. Good men may never win elections in Ghana! At least until we the people change, your kindred will suffer to ascend to heaven. Very fine materials but how can they wrap their American minds around the deal making and the back-scratching that steals the souls of all our leaders and make them lose the roadmap to heaven? How can these Americanos manage a zero to fifty percent tolerance scenario? It’s a bit like asking Bosummuru to be President of Ogyakrom. If we don’t kill him, he would kill himself! Sorry, folks, the party accepts your gifts this Xmas. The people appreciate your message but you come years ahead of your time. Your kind of presidential fodder is what we need as a people but the establishment wont let you anywhere near the throne. You know it. Come on and admit it! Maybe in another era when the old whores have been satisfied and can leave us alone, then we can rebuild governance on principles of law and justice and love for Ama Ghana and not the stomach. Certainly a lost cause for you guys. If you win, Ghana wins. But we mortals know that Gh. matters very little in this race. Thanks for keeping the smiles on your faces despite being aware that it’s a lost cause. You may all live to fight another day. You guys may be one of the few elephants, burning biodiesels in the race. Mortals will be praying for you. Mortals wish!!!
Mike Ocquaye
Lost cause. Baffling racer. May probably lose Dome if stood again. Has also been in the thick of affairs of the party from the beginning and may deserve his dance on the floor. Only upside may be a glance into the post K4 era and an acute awareness to re-position strategically to guarantee a foothold at the table. Hard worker in all respects. Just does not have that sparkle for a campaign. A proven survivor though. Also took his fair share of the Jerry lashes. Will not win and he knows it. If he wins, I will relocate to Odorkor!!!
K4 the Younger
An achiever. Nice poster. Only problem for him is that here in Ogyakrom, races have never been about issues. Its about personalities and when they are about personalities, big brother clouds the issues. The feeling is that all elephants chasing one illusive answer to hunger. You have got it in your backyard for 8 years. Mortals are aware leaders chop. You face a big hurdle to explain why the chopping bowl should continue to sit on that dining table. That’s the long and short of all your racing problems. Big brother has inadvertently caused you the job. You live in climes where the people cannot appreciate that your move aint a dynastic exercise but a genuine desire to do something for your motherland. A friend who should know better keeps saying that out here, we inherit our brothers so big brother has worked on your behalf too. We accordingly award you with half of his goodies, I mean good deeds. Will that suffice, opanyin? K4 the Younger has performed well in his role in government. He is not tainted, yet. Makes people uneasy when he calls for light. Why would you call for light when some people around you are naked? Doesn’t seem to fear lights as seems to have no skeletons. The only problem is his link to K4 the Elder. People, come on. In Argentina, the President’s wife has won. The eating bowl didn’t as much as leave the kitchen table there. However, there may be deeper Freudian motivations for running. Very good material but wont win. Dynastic claims and unease of the establishment about the “ I am clean” claims not helping the cause. One of the better people who may never be king. Worth the run, though. Mortals appreciate his race. Never stop talking about the light, Sir!
Adjei-Barwuah
Guess you did not know there was a Japanese elephant until recently. He says he’d win, one touch. This is the most baffling racer after Nkrabea (has he filed?). Seems to be well known to the core NPP bigwigs. Very nice man. Yes, can say so because sat in his office in Tokyo this summer and never let on that he was coming down to waste his yen. Not much known about him but his posters all over town. Will spice people’s soups this x’mas but still unclear the motivation for the race. He will not win and he knows it. Wipe that grin off your face. You will be dumb if you think him dumb!!! This race makes loads of sense to him or he would not come all the way from Tokyo for it. Mortals have tried but still cannot understand!!!
The Captain
For the sake of yeshua amashua, PLEASE DON’T FILE! IF YOU HAVE, ITS NOT TOO LATE. GO FOR YOUR MONEY. THEY WILL UNDERSTAND AND HAND IT BACK. You have already run your race. Save the money for x’mas at Tuobodom!!! Mortals have not tried to understand because it cannot be understood!!!
Conclusion
So there you have it. For the discerning, you can see art even in insanity. My problem with the elephants is that the campaign has lost its indoors look and is now very public. If a candidate goes out and spends and draws loads of people and then later comes to Accra only for some cash-infested delegates to tell him that he could not run, what should he do? That will be the dilemma for a few of these elephants during x’mas 2007. The abiding issue for the elephants is how the old whores react when they perceive a winner as not fit to be crowned “Protector of the Spoils”. The old whores are the biggest threat to the racing elephants. But to all racers, thanks for spicing the tables of constituency chairmen and executives all over the country. Your largesse is deeply appreciated. You know you have made a positive change when you have lost but your t-shirt is someone’s Xmas wear to a convention hosted by an uncertified ambassador of yeshua amashua.
For the delegates, my simple message is this:
“ Vote for the man who promises least; he’d be the least disappointing!!!
And don’t forget Uncle Fiifi is waiting for you.
the place is given for the sake of the man;
In good ones,
the man is chosen for the sake of the place”
- Lord Halifax, late
What will make a man, apparently sane and in control of all his faculties, take two hundred and fifty million ‘unGhanaian’ cedis (¢250,000,000.00) and with a smile on his face, promptly flush it down the toilet? Pause, reflect, and ask again?
What will make reasonable men, turned elephants, spend loads of time, energy, money, goods, and more money on an event, fully cognizant that it will bear no apparent fruit? To the mortal mind like yours and mine, this is tomfoolery bordering on buffoonery straddling insanity. That is to the mortal mind. If you thought so, you are in good company. But please do think again!!! To the racing elephants, things are not as fuzzy as your mind makes it appear to be.
It is a race to heaven! At the last count, I believe there were 19 elephants in the race. Let us hazard a list of these elephants, not necessarily in order of proximity to heaven: Ocquaye, Nana Addo, Yaw Sarfo, Kennedy, Apraku, Jake, Hackman, Agyepong the Elder, Agyepong the Younger, Alan the Cash, Dan the Botwe, Agyarko. Who else? OK, let me count how many elephants I have so far. 12! Who is missing? Yes, my man from Tokyo…the elephant who entered the race at the last turn and says he has more energy than all the rest…Adjei-Barwuah! Oh, Captain, forgive me. I nearly forgot you. Yes, there is the tuobodom General himself, the captain whose nkrabea is the palace! But some elephants are still missing! I confess that I cannot readily get all the names but I promise to drop them in as soon as any pops into my head in the course of this piece.
Lets ask again, what will make all these men, leave their juicy…aah, another name just dropped. This exercise is recommended for everyone interested in heavenly races. Just take a piece of paper, give yourself five minutes and try to write down all the names of the elephants in the race. Don’t cheat. I am ready to wager. You will miss out on a few like am doing right now. K4 the Younger! With Christina sweeping the vote in a landslide, albeit faraway, I bet your campaign has got itself a very welcome boost. Yes, the President’s brother who wants to be king. That’s elephant #15 and counting! What will make these elephants leave their plump ministerial and other jobs (don’t believe anything they say about the government jobs being thankless and sacrificial) and go in search of the Holy Grail? I will try and psychoanalyze from a mortal’s perspective, some of the arguments and motivations for running the race to heaven. No one has sent me. I have sent myself on this mission possible!!! But another name just dropped again. It would have been hari kiri if I had forgotten what with the hounds out for reasons to hate an elephant. It’s the near –man who wants to be king. H.E. Aliu Mahama, Veep, Republic of Ghana 2001-2009. That doesn’t look and sound elegant enough so we better stake for the ultimate: H.E. Aliu Mahama, President of the Republic of Ghana, 2009-2013; President of the United States of West Africa 2013-2015. I hope you appreciate by now the difficulty in getting all the names at a go. I only remembered because I write my pieces over a period when I can make time for it and since I begun days ago, there’s been brouhaha about the Veep and the Elephant Gamekeepers. It’s only then that his name dropped. I therefore decided to solicit the help of my manager so we can get all the names down once and for all. I sat her down and called them out, one by one. My manager popped out Dr. Afro himself. Prof. Kwabena Frimpong-Boateng!!! So what will make a very high achieving, world renowned cardiologist and head of Ogyakrom’s best teaching hospital drop his executive position and wade into the muddy political waters in which these elephants are running the race to heaven? Lets do the elephant roll call again: Yaw Sarfo, Nana, Kennedy (not American), Apraku, Jake, Ocquaye, Hackman, Agyepong the Younger, Agyepong the Elder, Alan Cash, Kwaku Botwe, Boakye Agyarko, Agyei-Barwuah, Nkrabea (has he filed), K4 the Younger, Aliu, Dr. Afro. Phew! My count reveals 17 names. I still can’t place who am missing because I know there are 19 pretenders to the throne of the Elephant. I give up!!! Readers may help me out!
So I pose the question for the last time. What will make all these fine elephants of positive change chase the Golden Fleece to the Palace of Dreams? These represent my hallucinations about the motivations behind the race:
Motivations
a. Divine Apportionment
This can apply to all. Now is the season where the pastors who no longer fear or ‘shy’ Yeshua Amashua, will pick and choose which of the elephants has a marginal propensity to drop cash for prophetic unction. I have heard on radio that the prophecies have begun already. Yeshua Amashua has revealed to me alone, that you, Ogyakrom Osagyefo has been ordained by the Almighty to rule. I saw God put a red seal on your forehead, plant a red, gold, green, black-starred flag in your right hand and cause a bright light to envelope your head. Then I saw 2008 on a poster with your picture on it. Then I saw 18 elephants all roll down and bow before you. You are king indeed! Some of the elephants will believe these African movies and dole out some cash. After all, Yeshua has so many embassies in Ogaykrom, each manned by ambassadors many of whom have not presented their credentials to anyone. Until that day when the trumpet sounds in that auditorium, what shall it profit you to antagonize any of these ambassadors when you know that one of the fastest-easiest ways to access the hearts and minds of the mortals is to go through Yeshua’s ambassadors? Truth be told, none of the elephants can annex this claim to divine calling as the Lord of the Palace 2008. How can Yeshua Amashua confuse us all by anointing 19 elephants to occupy a single palace?
b. Heaven is a Palace; or vice-versa
If you did not know, now you know. The Presidency is sweeter than anything on this earth. Add the White House, No 10 Downing Street and the Elysee, in terms of raw, pure, real ‘enjoyment’, none compares! If you were in the shoes of these elephants, you will also make a run for the Palace. If you enter the palace, your tears are over, PERIOD!!! There shall be no want for you, your wife, your concubines, your small girls, your children, your relatives, their friends and relatives and … Of course Ogyakrom has a constitution, separation of powers, judicial independence etc. If you are as smart as these elephants, you will reign as a monarch, i.e. a presidential king!!! We mortals have been primed to accept that, especially if you don’t rock the boat too much and allow a 'live and let live’ environment. Back in those days in Legon, there was a DJ in town we loved to hate. I believe he was called KKD. He used to say: “KKD is here, happiness is near”. I say, “the race is here, heaven is near”. All the King’s men are deeply motivated and salivating at the prospect of heaven on earth. That prospect should make a man do what an elephant will do in the same circumstances…make a run for it!!! Even Yeshua did not have the privilege of tasting heaven on earth!!!
c. Love for Ghana
This motivation must by definition apply to all of them simply because you are disqualified otherwise. How can you want to go to heaven when you don’t love Ghana more than 19,999,999 other citizens? All these elephants will therefore harp ad nauseam about their inordinate love for mother Ghana. Greater love hath no man than this, that he will lay down a fortune in resources to chase what for many of them, is essentially a mirage. But I go ahead of myself. I am told on authority that in Osagyefo’s days, when our big men met to think Ghana, you could bet your bottom dollar that about 90% of the resources ended up where they had earmarked it. In Ogyakrom of today, that may not be the case. Believe it if you may but none of the King’s men has an upper hand in this love business. All of us love Ghana. In fact I love Ghana so much that I have done a few things in the name of love for Ama Ghana for which the lashes are still raining down. All the elephants love Ghana. But it’s a moot point and should not be flagged too much or you’d risk a knock like K4 the Younger has been getting for daring to ask that someone shine a torch on the King’s men. He had completely forgotten that some of the elephants are virtually running naked and the only conducive environment is a bit of darkness. All of them are patriotic. All of us are patriotic. Patriotism won’t fly much!!!
d. The K4 Factor
Have you heard the one that says that K4 himself is the reason all these elephants have escaped the herd and are running ahead of the pack to the Palace? They say he has made the seat so desirable that all of them want to… Don’t blame them much. For some of these elephants who knew the Big Elephant in toto before coronation, they cannot help but feel that this race must be run at all costs. In fact, some may feel that if they knew that the journey will be this sweet, they would have jumped in the last time round and tried harder. Admittedly, His Excellency, K4 the Elder has made the throne very ‘palatably deliciously appetizing! K4 is the quintessential epitome of ‘ehia wo anwu’. He is also a concrete example of a man who never says die until the bones are rotten. If he didn’t have the guts, he would not be where he is. Imagine if he’d lost 2000. His life would have been caput. Chief may probably be paying pensions to him by now. Some of the elephants who fawn over him wouldn’t be that close. It was a do or die back then. Indeed, his situation then looked exactly like some of the elephants in the race today. But then see Yeshua Amashua’s Mighty Hand at work. At 63 thereabouts, Yeshua changes his destiny FOREVER. From left to right, PERIOD!!! Globe-trotting! All things at your beck and call! I mean ALL things!!! Old age recedes! Money flows waa, waa, waa!!! Diaspora family regroups at home in Ogyakrom to recoup! God is good, all the time!!! So some elephants look at K4 and feel, if Yeshua did it for him, He will do it for me too. If the Big Elephant made it from beyond zero, then I can make it from 4. But is it that simple? The factors that have made K4 and his era so juicy may not necessarily be the same for his successor. Some of the elephants have also tasted the crumbs and their chains have fallen. If crumbs can feel this good, what about the full meal? The K4 attraction may be contributing to the huge field but though it may motivate, it may have taken H.E. K4 the Elder loads more than just showing up and putting on the kente to take the Oath of Office. There must be something about the man that has made his office look so appetizing. The magnetism of the office has increased and that contributes to all elephants trying their luck.
e. Sunshine
If you want to have your bit of sunshine before it gets cloudy, step up now. Just declare that you are standing as a candidate. You don’t even have to be an elephant as they may have priced you out of the market and your neighbours will leak information that you are not serious. You may fly the cockerel, climb a coconut or even walk the tip of an umbrella. You are guaranteed front page coverage in the newspapers. You will get radio and TV interviews. Best of all, your face, warts and all, will be plastered around the country. A website guarantees visibility around the world. The real ambassadors (not yeshua’s) will get to know you. Some doors will have to open. You and your children may secure visas when it would have been otherwise. Doors open for aspirants. Ask them! During the race, for a few dollars more, you’d get a presidential feel. Bodyguards, bodygirls, cars, drivers, lackeys, drummers, chiefs, yeshua ambassadors, fetish priests, all hailing! Even state protocol may begin to invite you to state functions. Ask Grandpa. Check the grin on his face at a national function when the cameras come close. You can buy big man status in these hereabouts. This race guarantees all the king’s men that status, at least within the elephant herd. Remember some guy who declared, only to be declared nuts? At least he got to keep that morning’s edition of Daily Graphic for the next generation.
f. Insurance Policy
Are you still wondering why all the king’s men are still going for it? Well, the post K4 era bodes loads of uncertainty for some of these elephants. You can’t be too sure where your bread will be buttered in the next world. If you hang on quietly with K4 till his last day, you may be signaling your own desire to retire. In order to secure a small assurance about your post K4 scenarios, you ought to bring your constituency to the table. Most of these men seem to have no chance whatsoever. However, if the race could guarantee a place at the table on d-day, they could be at the table when chow time arrives in the new heaven. The present public nature of the race means that some of the elephants are only running to show their clout in the party. That may be the price of a ticket to an invitation-only meal in the post K4 heaven. They are just paying the premium for the insurance policy.
g. Old Men Cant Jump
I admit. I am young, brash and sometimes abrasive. I am restless about old men who just can’t make law work in Ogyakrom. I have not been able to understand why an old big man who has made his money and his fame already and is waiting to meet his maker cannot stand up for truth and principle. ‘Old men can’t jump’ goes to the younger breed of the elephants in the race. Some have been around the older bigger elephants and know (but they’d never admit it in public) that some elephants we fawn over are near basket cases. Some policy that may have killed the elephant at the polls never saw the light of day because some young elephant stampeded it out. In the quiet of some lovely bosom, he can’t help but wonder, is this it? The job must be easy and within reach then, abii? If these old elephants, whether under the influence or not, at close quarters don’t have the juice but still manage to run Gh. Inc. so well, then why not me? I wish all the young elephants in the race good luck. Please don’t listen to the venerable J.H. when he says it’s not a beauty contest. IT’S A BEAUTY CONTEST FOR ALL OF YOU. If you watch the Ms. Ghana show, you will be pardoned for thinking that it’s only the winner who won. She may be the one to get the TV, car, tickets, furniture and cash on TV but the losers are all winners too. A wily cash man comes to the event interested only in positions 4-7. If you are a visionary, you will know that sometimes number 4 gets more than Ms. Ghana herself. Car, house, TV, stereo, furniture and yeshua granting, wedding bells!!! You have nothing to lose by taking part in the beauty contest.
h. Na Money
For mortals like me, ¢250 million unGhanaian cedis or thanks to the trillion-shaving technology, GH¢25,000, is a princely sum. But that payment is a one-off cost. Now consider other expenditure on the race to heaven. Fuel, cars, bikes, TVs, T-shirts, drinks, goats and sheep x 230 constituencies x number of days on the road. Why will any man decide to make that spend with a smile? This race is not a win-lose situation for majority of the elephants. Assuming you manage to get a lot of money into your campaign kitty, you must by definition run. You have to run even if your own mama says you should not. This is a beautiful marathon where none of the racers will be tested for steroids. No one will ask you where, who, what, whom, which or when you got your money. There shall be no audit or accountability to anyone. The real job is to make sure the money has come in, whichever way. Then enter the race. When you lose, who would come to you to show your profit and loss account? So mortals go to sleep wondering about elephants and how they are only big but sometimes act in a manner not discernible to them. The racing elephants go to sleep knowing the race makes loads of sense. This is not a loss –making venture at all and will assure attractive returns on investments. Yeshua willing, even the ultimate may drop on your lap. You are investing in the most lucrative business south of the Sahara. Politics is the most rewarding venture at the moment, especially when you are in the governing party. On behalf of Uncle Mac-Manu, I thank you all for your generosity, especially those of you who know, even in your sleep that the ¢250 million is a gift to the party!
Osimi’s Quick Guide to the Elephant Racers
I have to apologise again. I have done a re-count of the names and I missed the gentleman lawyer of Esikado, Paa Owusu-Ankomah. I only remembered because since I begun drafting this piece bit by bit, I have been in Tadi and that’s when I realized his name had escaped me. However, I still can’t shake the feeling that despite all my efforts someone is missing.
Here’s my quick guide to the race to heaven. It’s my personal view and I will take on anyone who takes me on for expressing them. They are mine and mine alone and don’t even represent the opinions of the only people I can speak for without taking instructions, my manager and the two musketeers. The names appear randomly. Let’s start with H.E. Aliu:
Aliu
Even if he didn’t stand, he would have to stand. 8 years as an apprentice, nice image. Redemptive figure for the elephant. Yes, NPP has always been perceived as an Akan (graciously) or Asante (ungraciously) party. It’s a perception that won’t go away despite that the party’s antecedents show some of the Veep’s ilk in the thick of affairs. Here comes a golden chance to kill that perception for a century and two years. Will they take it? Aliu. Capable! Able! Mainstream! Moslem! Trained! I knew the man was serious when I saw his poster. He is the only elephant in batakari and kente on the same poster! But the Veep rides against the establishment. There are forces that’d be very jittery if he wins. The other elephants won’t admit it but they keep an eye on him. The Veep can win. He will give some people a good run for their money. His fate, like all the other elephants, will be decided when the trumpet sounds on that day. As a black man born in Africa, my mortal mind perfectly understand why he’s in the race. If not now, when? Mortals can understand!!!
Nana o, Nana
Suave! Been there, done that! Rumbled in the jungle and lived to fight another day! Strong personality! Very high profile figure! Known in Ghana and abroad! Top gun! Unfortunately lives in an environment where self-assurance is taken as cockiness or arrogance. Ghana needs a self-assured man as leader. Even a self-assured cockerel will suffice but self-assured he has to be. He makes the establishment-elephants and some say, K4 himself jittery. Why? I don’t know! Cannot possibly be due to the rumble in the jungle with K4. He has always been his own man but his track record has also shown that he is a team player. I have however been unable to visualize a K4 overhang on a Nana govt. That may be making some people in the inner chamber uneasy. He seems to be strong on the ground. I haven’t been able though to appreciate all those billboards all over the city and him holding his jaw, what with the wahala over the dentures and all. Mortals can understand!!!
Dan Kwaku Botwe
Kwaku Botwe seems to represent the purity of the elephant pre-adolescence. Is he the hope of the masses to get a ‘roots’ man into the palace? Admittedly has grassroots support but will only impact if the selection process is above board so that ‘rootsy’ folk can travel to the City for the bronya selection. Whether he can assure or ensure his grassroots men get appointed, selected or elected as delegates in this river of cash is another issue. Kwaku Botwe will represent a revolutionary choice against a perception of money bags warping and adulterating the minds of otherwise decent folk to do as money bids. Increasingly looks like an Nkrumah amongst UGCC bigwigs. The December beauty contest will be a battle for the soul of the party. Only discerning people may vote for him. The Botwe seems to represent the purity and virginity of the elephant. Whether the Virgins Club upsets the Old Whores is another matter. Has loads of street credibility but street credibility wins the main election but doesn’t guarantee you the party nomination. Perception is that he has insulated himself from the influences of Establishment and may not be a favourite of the Castle goons. Tremendous goodwill from the people is a credit balance in the account but unsure whether that will help clear the ultimate hurdle. May have been fired by H.E. K4 the Elder because he would not 'yessa' enough. Very bright hope for Ogyakrom whichever way you look at him. Will be back for another dance even if he gets stampeded by the other elephants. There is a hunger for clean government and he assures. Mortals can understand!!!
Alan Kyeremanteng
Poster boy of the campaign. Overheard two women in Tadi last weekend who had paused at an Alan poster: “papa yi nso no ho ye fewo ae”. I cannot remember how he came to be tagged as the moneybag of the race but that must be quite an achievement, granted that all elephants are spending like mad on this ‘brake-free/steroid-fuelled’ race to heaven. Good personality! Articulate! Must work harder to shake perception of being the Castle man. If delegates perceive the race as a battle for the soul of the party, he may lose out. At the moment, very visible campaign. Promises galore. Well oiled campaign which turns out people at every stop for their share. Few hiccups with the steering committee notwithstanding, he’s in a race of his life. Dodgy record on achievements. Even if doesn’t win, will live to fight another day. Just leave some of the cash for another day. And oh, beware of the 'Ntim kukrudu' as in earthquake. Everyone who wants to slap the president but cant even dream about it will use you as a convenient counterfoil. Slap Alan, slap K4!!! Mortals can understand!!!
Yaw Sarfo
Oyeadieyie! Oseeadeyo! Roots man! Some scary posters but can live with that because achievements overshadow everything else. Huge stature and an achiever. Proven himself in capacities held in the elephant govt. Also took fair share of the Rawlings lashes back then. Has paid dues to the party. Behind his back, the old whores complain doesn’t allow the juice to trickle down. Slight murmurings about the Macmillan saga but nothing has stuck so far. In the early days of the race, seemed to have bigger profile but appears to have lost juice lately. May be a strategy as the volume may be directed at the delegates and not the public. May also not be the choice of the establishment because he cannot be pushed around easily. Very shrewd character. May be deemed by the jittery bunch as a little too independent to be crowned “the Protector of the Spoils” in the new heaven. Its unclear whether can assure protection for the jittery bunch in the event of a hoopla post k4. Write him off at your peril because he is a roots man and can be adopted easily by mortals. At least his run makes Oda very interesting for 2008. Yaw Sarfo is my MP. The folks back home aren’t as complimentary as the early days but guess he is not bothered much as he’s playing for bigger stakes now. Yaw Sarfo can be President! Mortals can understand!!!
Hackman
An achiever. Major bulwark of the party. Has paid more than his dues. Also took fair share of the Jerry lashes. Lots of credibility with the masses. An acknowledged party bigwig. Accomplished enough for the job. Must be in the race or standing diminishes. Unable to place a finger on his chances. If he wins, no one must panic because he is capable. Hope he does not blow too much money on the race, though. Mortals appreciate his run!!!
Jake
Done his part for the party. His race a little puzzling, though but he is a strategist so all other elephants beware of Otanka. You write him off at your peril. Strong party man who managed two successful campaigns and efficiently. A fair chance in the race but seems to be a waste of money, time, money, space, petrol, t-shirts and more money. Smart Alec and may have his own reasons for joining the beauty contest. If he could, why not Jake? Mortals puzzled!!!
Frimpong-Boateng
Mortals scratching heads why he is in the race. Does not seem to have any apparent chance of winning but who told you he was in it to win? Seems to be enjoying the race, though. May be good for his heart. So serious that put his face round buses and vans. Give him a chance. After all, he has had his hair trimmed and looking presidential. Mortals definitely cannot understand why he is in the race to heaven!!!
Agyepong the Elder
Originally perceived as the joker in the pack, thrown in by the big man to test the waters for the establishment. Speaks very well from an assured position of no-contest. One of the saner heads in the race. I don’t know what he has done but his own constituents may have uncomplimentary things to say about his tenure as their watchman in Accra. His run may help ease x'mas woes for some party faithful but has always appeared very crafty and wise and doesn’t look like wasting his ‘acquired-immunity’ on a lost cause. Can be President but his era is gone with the wind. Adviser material for post k4 heaven. Mortals cannot understand!!!
Agyepong the Younger
For some of the reasons adduced earlier, can appreciate why he is racing. Only that he will never tell us the true reasons he is there. Been around the big guns who may have been firing gunpowder all along. If he felt completely overwhelmed by this big post, would he dare? Agyepong the Younger knows that the job aren’t scary and that he can do it. He has nothing to lose and may actually be enjoying himself. Will live to fight again another day, ‘whether weather’. This race is not a financial loss-maker for him o. An establishment turn-off but a straight talker. The kind we need as a people but may never have until they have been bitten by the bug and have forgotten their first love. Hope for years to come. Mortals puzzled!!!
Boakye Agyarko/Arthur Kennedy
Sorry guys, had to lump you together because you represent the same values for me. Good men may never win elections in Ghana! At least until we the people change, your kindred will suffer to ascend to heaven. Very fine materials but how can they wrap their American minds around the deal making and the back-scratching that steals the souls of all our leaders and make them lose the roadmap to heaven? How can these Americanos manage a zero to fifty percent tolerance scenario? It’s a bit like asking Bosummuru to be President of Ogyakrom. If we don’t kill him, he would kill himself! Sorry, folks, the party accepts your gifts this Xmas. The people appreciate your message but you come years ahead of your time. Your kind of presidential fodder is what we need as a people but the establishment wont let you anywhere near the throne. You know it. Come on and admit it! Maybe in another era when the old whores have been satisfied and can leave us alone, then we can rebuild governance on principles of law and justice and love for Ama Ghana and not the stomach. Certainly a lost cause for you guys. If you win, Ghana wins. But we mortals know that Gh. matters very little in this race. Thanks for keeping the smiles on your faces despite being aware that it’s a lost cause. You may all live to fight another day. You guys may be one of the few elephants, burning biodiesels in the race. Mortals will be praying for you. Mortals wish!!!
Mike Ocquaye
Lost cause. Baffling racer. May probably lose Dome if stood again. Has also been in the thick of affairs of the party from the beginning and may deserve his dance on the floor. Only upside may be a glance into the post K4 era and an acute awareness to re-position strategically to guarantee a foothold at the table. Hard worker in all respects. Just does not have that sparkle for a campaign. A proven survivor though. Also took his fair share of the Jerry lashes. Will not win and he knows it. If he wins, I will relocate to Odorkor!!!
K4 the Younger
An achiever. Nice poster. Only problem for him is that here in Ogyakrom, races have never been about issues. Its about personalities and when they are about personalities, big brother clouds the issues. The feeling is that all elephants chasing one illusive answer to hunger. You have got it in your backyard for 8 years. Mortals are aware leaders chop. You face a big hurdle to explain why the chopping bowl should continue to sit on that dining table. That’s the long and short of all your racing problems. Big brother has inadvertently caused you the job. You live in climes where the people cannot appreciate that your move aint a dynastic exercise but a genuine desire to do something for your motherland. A friend who should know better keeps saying that out here, we inherit our brothers so big brother has worked on your behalf too. We accordingly award you with half of his goodies, I mean good deeds. Will that suffice, opanyin? K4 the Younger has performed well in his role in government. He is not tainted, yet. Makes people uneasy when he calls for light. Why would you call for light when some people around you are naked? Doesn’t seem to fear lights as seems to have no skeletons. The only problem is his link to K4 the Elder. People, come on. In Argentina, the President’s wife has won. The eating bowl didn’t as much as leave the kitchen table there. However, there may be deeper Freudian motivations for running. Very good material but wont win. Dynastic claims and unease of the establishment about the “ I am clean” claims not helping the cause. One of the better people who may never be king. Worth the run, though. Mortals appreciate his race. Never stop talking about the light, Sir!
Adjei-Barwuah
Guess you did not know there was a Japanese elephant until recently. He says he’d win, one touch. This is the most baffling racer after Nkrabea (has he filed?). Seems to be well known to the core NPP bigwigs. Very nice man. Yes, can say so because sat in his office in Tokyo this summer and never let on that he was coming down to waste his yen. Not much known about him but his posters all over town. Will spice people’s soups this x’mas but still unclear the motivation for the race. He will not win and he knows it. Wipe that grin off your face. You will be dumb if you think him dumb!!! This race makes loads of sense to him or he would not come all the way from Tokyo for it. Mortals have tried but still cannot understand!!!
The Captain
For the sake of yeshua amashua, PLEASE DON’T FILE! IF YOU HAVE, ITS NOT TOO LATE. GO FOR YOUR MONEY. THEY WILL UNDERSTAND AND HAND IT BACK. You have already run your race. Save the money for x’mas at Tuobodom!!! Mortals have not tried to understand because it cannot be understood!!!
Conclusion
So there you have it. For the discerning, you can see art even in insanity. My problem with the elephants is that the campaign has lost its indoors look and is now very public. If a candidate goes out and spends and draws loads of people and then later comes to Accra only for some cash-infested delegates to tell him that he could not run, what should he do? That will be the dilemma for a few of these elephants during x’mas 2007. The abiding issue for the elephants is how the old whores react when they perceive a winner as not fit to be crowned “Protector of the Spoils”. The old whores are the biggest threat to the racing elephants. But to all racers, thanks for spicing the tables of constituency chairmen and executives all over the country. Your largesse is deeply appreciated. You know you have made a positive change when you have lost but your t-shirt is someone’s Xmas wear to a convention hosted by an uncertified ambassador of yeshua amashua.
For the delegates, my simple message is this:
“ Vote for the man who promises least; he’d be the least disappointing!!!
And don’t forget Uncle Fiifi is waiting for you.
posted by JOEDEE at 8:28 AM
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